Lake monster

Monster' prowling B.C. lake - Canoe.ca

Brigette Horvath knew she saw something strange in Cameron Lake on Vancouver Island two years ago. (THE CANADIAN PRESS/Brigette Horvath-HO)

VICTORIA, B.C. - Brigette Horvath knew she saw something strange in Cameron Lake on Vancouver Island two years ago and a team of researchers say she might be right.

Was it a fish, an eel or some kind of serpent-like creature? She says she didn't know. But Horvath grabbed her camera and managed to fire off one shot before the batteries failed.

The researchers who specialize in looking for so-called cryptozoological creatures - in other words, monsters - spent Saturday on the lake probing the depths with a sonar-like fish finder.

At first, they picked up a couple of large contacts at the bottom of the lake, about 45 metres deep, then something more pronounced on a second pass.

"Something just went 'ping' on the alarm on the fish finder and we saw this absolutely massive object in the midst of various fish," said John Kirk, president of the British Columbia Scientific Cryptozoology Club.

They made four more passes and the contact held stable, making it unlikely that it was a school of fish, which tend to scatter eventually, Kirk said.


"We were quite stunned that there was something that big in the lake and it was in about 60 feet of water, less than 30 yards from shore, it was quite amazing," he said.

Horvath, who lives in Nanaimo, said she was driving along Highway 4 on July 30, 2007, when she saw a strange semi-circle in the lake.

"You could see like a serpent shape," said Horvath, who isn't the only person to report something strange in Cameron Lake.

"It wasn't logs," she said. "It wasn't waves. There were no boats in the area. It was, like, right there. You could actually see a large fish, (an) object, no, not an object, something alive."

Kirk, who admits his trip to Cameron Lake is being sponsored by the local Oceanside Tourism Association, said the team accidentally lost its underwater camera and was unable to explore further.

Because the weather will deteriorate in the fall and winter, another search will have to wait until next year, Kirk said.

But the team has narrowed the possibilities.

"Maybe it's a sturgeon, maybe it's a giant sterile eel....it could be a massive type of salamander," Kirk said. "Or it could be something that we're completely unaware of at this point."

However, it's unlikely the small lake is the home of a mysterious sea monster, Kirk said.

"I'm not going to the extent to say there's anything exotic down there, there's just something big."

Kirk has searched for the Ogopogo in Okanagan Lake in the B.C. interior, looked in coastal B.C. for the Sasquatch, tried to find the sea creature Cadborosaurus off Vancouver Island and has hunted for giant salamanders in swamps.

He's been to Scotland and the republics of Congo and Cameroon in search of strange dinosaur-like beasts.

But it's British Columbia waters that provide a fertile hunting ground for animal tales, he said.

Kirk said there are 41 different lakes in British Columbia where strange animal sightings have been reported.

"In B.C., we just seem to have a ton of these lakes where these things have been seen," he said.

Sawmill workers at Lake Cowichan on Vancouver Island reported seeing a large lake creature during the 1960s and a local fisherman said he hooked something that pulled him and his boat around the lake for an hour, Kirk said.

He said the Cadborosaurus, which has been adopted as an unofficial tourism mascot in the Victoria area, is real because fishermen found one inside the belly of a sperm whale in 1937 and sent it to the Royal B.C. Museum for identification.

"We've had what you might say in scientific terms is the type-specimen there," said Kirk. "Most people describe this thing as an elongated serpent-like creature. It has a camel-like head. That description comes up over and over."

A former clerk of the B.C. legislature, Henry William Langley and provincial archivist Fred Kemp, issued a joint statement in 1922 saying they'd seen a sea creature off Chatham Island near Victoria.

"These are not nut-case people. These are very serious people," said Kirk.

In 1951, Langley was crushed to death under the wheels of a Nanaimo-bound train as it was pulling out of the Victoria station.

Kirk said Cadborosaurus' range is not confined to the Victoria area. Reports of a similar animal have come from the Gulf of Alaska to the Sea of Cortez in Mexico.

In Oregon, the animal goes by the name Colossal Claude.

But Kirk believes British Columbia is in a class by itself for what he calls cryptozoological encounters.

People have actually started to embrace the strange animals to the point where they are showing up in tourism brochures, he said.

"Like Moberly Lake up in the (northeast) area, the First Nations there got in touch with me and told me about the creature that they had been seeing with a horse's head swimming around in the lake, and now they've given it a name," Kirk said.

"They call it Moberly Dick.

Socialists

Dolce Miami: Who Were the Real Socialists?

Who Were the Real Socialists?
[This entry was cross-posted on Facebook. It's rather informal.]

I made a comment recently in one of my classes recently saying that, yes, I believe the tax rate for the highest earners should be 40% in order to pay for social services and other government services. This elicited surprise from some, but is it really so surprising?

Obama's "tax increase" isn't so much of one as it is rolling back a tax break for the rich instituted by Bush immediately after the Clinton Administration, which had the tax rate for the highest earners at 39.6%.

Let's take a look at some facts from history.

-IRS information regarding tax rates is available from 1913 to 2009, a span of 95/96 years.
-Since 1913, we have had 17 presidents: 8 Democrats, 9 Republicans.

All eight of the Democrats had tax rates of 39.6% or more as did seven of the nine Republicans.

The highest tax rate, of 92%, belongs to Democrat Harry Truman. However, this tax rate also carried over into Republican Dwight Eisenhower's term. Oh, sorry, no...like a true conservative, Eisenhower lowered taxes.

To 91%.

GOP President Hoover, after years with a tax rate of 25%, decided, "Hey, what the hell, let's tax people 63%" right before leaving office. That's an increase of 38 percentage points. The increase by the Republican is higher than the actual tax rate now (35%).

The United Socialist States of America? Perhaps. (Credit: Bill St. Clair)

Since the post-World War II period, the maximum tax rate has trended downwards, but remained high even amongst the staunchest conservatives:

Eisenhower: 91%
Nixon: 70%
Ford: 70
Reagan: 50%

Taxes for the highest-earners hit a 77-year low with Bush Senior at 28% and was then increased to 31% and subsequently 39.6% by Bill Clinton. Bush Junior then immediately enacted the tax break that set it at 35%.

So compared to historic levels of taxation, by both Democrats and Republicans, of levels beyond 60, 70, 80, even 90%, why is Obama the socialist?

In fact, "socialist" Sweden's maximum tax rate right now is 59.09%, while Denmark's is 63%. By that logic, those states being considered "socialist", Woodrow Wilson, Herbert Hoover, FDR, Harry Truman, Dwight Eisenhower, JFK, LBJ, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, and Jimmy Carter were also socialist presidents. Oh no, that means 10 of our last 17 presidents have been pinko Commies!

It must be all part of a vast left-wing conspiracy to infiltrate America and bring the United States under strict authoritarian rule, right?

Those damn lefties, they'll ruin us with their taxes, just like they caused the downfall of the United States all those other times. Better start moving to Monaco, people.


Sources:
US Presidents/Terms
US Tax Rates
World Tax Rates

Celeb Children's Names

Star’s New Baby - Another "Original" Celebrity Baby Name

The daughter of singing star Lionel Richie, Nicole Richie, 27, rose to fame thanks to her high-profile position as the (ex) best friend of Paris Hilton. Richie was once engaged to DJ AM, the celebrity DJ found dead of an apparent drug overdose in August, a year after miraculously surviving a plane crash that killed four others.

In 2008 Richie welcomed her first, daughter Harlow Winter Kate, with boyfriend Joel Madden, 30, lead singer of the pop-punk band Good Charlotte. Hilton briefly dated Madden’s twin brother, Benji.

On the celebrated date 09/09/09 the couple welcomed a second child with a bird-inspired name. It’s a boy, but the couple named the new baby Sparrow, which seems kinda girly.

The baby’s full name is Sparrow James Midnight Madden, so at least he can call himself James if he grows up and decides he’d like to be, well, normal.

Richie and Madden founded a charity, the Richie Madden Children’s Fund, but the website hasn’t been updated since before Obama was elected. Guess they’ve been too busy with their own family.

1,224-pound cupcake sets record as world's largest : NPR

1,224-pound cupcake sets record as world's largest

by The Associated Press
Colossal Cupcake
Associated Press

From left, Merengue Bakery and Cafe chef Jacquelyne Garcia, owner George Algarin and chef Christina Gonzalez frost a Guinness World Record-breaking cupcake that weighed in at 1,224 lbs at the annual Woodward Dream Cruise in Royal Oak, Mich. on Aug. 15, 2009.
2_Colossal_Cupcake.sff.jpg
Enlarge Associated Press

Those involved in making the Guinness World Record-breaking cupcake cheer as they take the record with a whopping 1,224 pounds at the annual Woodward Dream Cruise in Royal Oak, Mich. on Aug. 15, 2009.
2_Colossal_Cupcake.sff.jpg
Associated Press

Those involved in making the Guinness World Record-breaking cupcake cheer as they take the record with a whopping 1,224 pounds at the annual Woodward Dream Cruise in Royal Oak, Mich. on Aug. 15, 2009.
1_Colossal_Cupcake.sff.jpg
Enlarge Associated Press

Guinness World Records Adjudicator Carl Saville measures the girth of the 1,224 pound cupcake at the annual Woodward Dream Cruise in Royal Oak, Mich. on Aug. 15, 2009.
1_Colossal_Cupcake.sff.jpg
Associated Press

Guinness World Records Adjudicator Carl Saville measures the girth of the 1,224 pound cupcake at the annual Woodward Dream Cruise in Royal Oak, Mich. on Aug. 15, 2009.
text sizeAAA
MANCHESTER, N.H. August 16, 2009, 02:04 pm ET

A 1,224-pound triple vanilla cupcake with pink frosting has set a record as the world's largest.

The sugary behemoth was unveiled Saturday at the Woodward Dream Cruise classic cars event in Royal Oak, Mich.

A Guinness World Records adjudicator was on hand to certify the cupcake's girth. It was more than eight times the size of the previous record holder.

The colossal cupcake took 12 hours to bake and included 800 eggs and 200 pounds each of sugar and flour.

Slices of the cupcake were served in exchange for donations to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure breast cancer organization.

Ryan Abood, owner of New Hampshire-based Gourmetgiftbaskets.com who made the cupcake, told the Detroit Free Press that it clocked in at an estimated 2 million calories.

Related articles by Zemanta

• The World's Largest Cupcake is Official GourmetGiftBaskets.com Declares End To The Cupcake Wars: At 1,224 Pounds, It's Eight Times Bigger Than Previous World Record Holder (prweb.com)

Horny Old Man

Yemen man's horny dream came true Saleh, a resident of Shabwa in the Yemen, dreamed so often that he was growing a horn on his head that he came to bel­ieve it would come to pass. It was only a quest­ion of when. Now aged 102, he recounts how a horn began to sprout on the left side of his head 25 years ago.

Since it did not bother him and there were no local medical facilities, he just ig­nored it. Event­ually, it grew into a horn 1ft 8in (50cm) long. His fell­ow vill­ag­ers were as­tound­ed and ass­umed it must be pain­ful, but Saleh said they came to real­ise it was simply “some­thing Allah wanted to happen to show the people that he can do as he de­sires”. As the horn grew, it became weaker and more diffi­cult for Saleh to man­age, espec­ially during sleep.

It finally fell off and a second one started grow­ing in its place. Hun­dreds of people from the Yemen and other Gulf states have come to see Saleh and touch his horn. “I have no idea why Allah chose me,” he said, “but I thank God for his mercy and show of great­ness. I only say al-hamdu lillah.”

Yemen Observ­er, 17 Feb

Anti-reform...

5 facts about the anti-reform mobs

1. These disruptions are being funded and organized by out-of-district special-interest groups and insurance companies who fear that health insurance reform could help Americans, but hurt their bottom line. A group run by the same folks who made the "Swiftboat" ads against John Kerry is compiling a list of congressional events in August to disrupt. An insurance company coalition has stationed employees in 30 states to track where local lawmakers hold town-hall meetings.

2. People are scared because they are being fed frightening lies. These crowds are being riled up by anti-reform lies being spread by industry front groups that invent smears to tarnish the President's plan and scare voters. But as the President has repeatedly said, health insurance reform will create more health care choices for the American people, not reduce them. If you like your insurance or your doctor, you can keep them, and there is no "government takeover" in any part of any plan supported by the President or Congress.

3. Their actions are getting more extreme. Texas protesters brought signs displaying a tombstone for Rep. Lloyd Doggett and using the "SS" symbol to compare President Obama's policies to Nazism. Maryland Rep. Frank Kratovil was hanged in effigy outside his district office. Rep. Tim Bishop of New York had to be escorted to his car by police after an angry few disrupted his town hall meeting -- and more examples like this come in every day. And they have gone beyond just trying to derail the President's health insurance reform plans, they are trying to "break" the President himself and ruin his Presidency.

4. Their goal is to disrupt and shut down legitimate conversation. Protesters have routinely shouted down representatives trying to engage in constructive dialogue with voters, and done everything they can to intimidate and silence regular people who just want more information. One attack group has even published a manual instructing protesters to "stand up and shout" and try to "rattle" lawmakers to prevent them from talking peacefully with their constituents.

5. Republican leadership is irresponsibly cheering on the thuggish crowds. Republican House Minority Leader John Boehner issued a statement applauding and promoting a video of the disruptions and looking forward to "a long, hot August for Democrats in Congress."

Assault with sex toy

According to the St. Petersburg Times, a woman was arrested last week and charged with “simple battery” for “poking” her boyfriend with her “pink sex toy”. As one commenter astutely points out, if the roles had been reversed and the boyfriend assaulted the girlfriend with a sex toy, he would have been charged with attempted rape, etc. so it is fair that she was arrested for battery, regardless of how ridiculous her weapon of choice. The story also states that the toy-wielding woman was intoxicated at the time of the altercation, begging the question how wasted do you have to be to reach for a pink freaking sex toy if you want to dish out some whup-ass?!

The moral? Assault is bad, but assault with a sex toy is just uncomfortable for everyone.

Naked man in cemetary

A 51 year old man arrested for walking naked through a cemetery. He took off his clothes in his truck because his underwear was wet. He decided to visit his in-laws grave and needed to check on some flowers. He didn't have his glasses so he needed an up close view. But he didn't think to put his clothes back on before exiting the truck. An off duty police officer was jogging past and got a full frontal and rear view.

         The man was arrested and charged with indecent exposure.

RESTROOM

J. Stephen O'Laughlin Memorial Restroom

J. Stephen O'Laughlin Memorial Restroom

Talk about leaving a lasting impression! You've just got to check out the J. Stephen O'Laughlin Memorial Restroom at Waldo's Pizza in Kansas City. This audaciously bold farewell gesture was supposed to be Joel's swan song, a way for his pizza slinging days to be remembered in the employee bathroom after he'd quit to seek fame and fortune in California. The idea germinated when Joel, suffering from a bought of the flu, got a fever-enhanced vision for the memorial bathroom. Thinking his idea was brilliant, if not quite mad, he set about gathering mementos of his not-very-distinguished life, framing them, and then making up museum-type placards describing his egocentric flotsam. His next challenge was to covertly mount the exhibits so as not to alert his boss as to his intentions. Enlisting the help of fellow employees, he got the memorial installed by having his cohorts distract the boss during Joel's going-away party. When the boss used the restroom the next day, he had what Joel describes as a "humorously surreal experience". The exhibits stayed put and evolved, according to Joel, "like a virus in a petri dish". His friends added things like a biography, a newspaper clipping lauding Joe's candidacy for Waiter of the Year, a polka dot floor, fluorescent ceiling, disco balls, and hot-pepper Xmas lights. Today it remains an entertaining chronicle of an ordinary, if eccentric man's life. And Joel is back at his old job, having added a pair of singing fish, a doorbell, a fountain, and a library to his memorial restroom.

J. Stephen O'Laughlin Memorial Restroom, located at WAldo Pizza, 7433 Broadway, Kansas City, MO 64114; [816 363 5242]. Optimal viewing times Sun-Thurs 2:00pm-4:00pm. Offerings for the shrine appreciated.

A moustache is like melting cheese

moustache club

Man allegedly tries to run down wife, but crashes

Man allegedly tries to run down wife, but crashes
06/25/2009 03:27 PM

A man accused of trying to run down his wife with a dump truck faces charges of domestic violence and reckless conduct with a dangerous weapon. The Portland Press Herald said a 40-year-old man and his wife had been drinking at a friend's house on Wednesday. The woman told Cumberland County Sheriff's deputies that the two started to argue, and she left the house with her dog.

Tenn. couple accused of assault using Cheetos

Tenn. couple accused of assault using Cheetos
The Associated Press
Related:

* http://www.t-g.com

Authorities said a couple got into a fight using Cheetos. The Bedford County Sheriff's Department said a 40-year-old man and 44-year-old woman became involved in a 'verbal altercation.' Somehow, the orange puffy snacks were used in the assault.

Deputies said they were charged with domestic assault. No one was hurt.

According to the Shelbyville Times-Gazette, both posted bond of $2,500.

Darwin Awards

The Darwin Awards!

And once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees.

The Darwins are awarded every year to the persons who died in the stupidest manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.

This year’s nominees are:

Nominee No. 1: ( San Jose Mercury News):

An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriends windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: ( Kalamazoo Gazette):

James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo , MI , was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a"farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive

Nominee No. 3: ( Hickory Daily Record):

Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton , NC . Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

Nominee No. 4: (UPI, Toronto ):

Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students.
Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports.
Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun
newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" (ed note:????) members of the 200-man association.

Nominee No. 5: (The News of the Weird):

Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously.
He had spent several years awaiting South Carolinaselectric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

Indianapolis Star):

A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosionin Dunkirk , IN. A Jay Countryman, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriffs investigators said.
Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 7: (Reuters, Mississauga , Ontario ):

A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police.
"It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: Always, the best is for last!

( Arkansas Democrat Gazette*):

Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole ’s pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out.

As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the 22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge . After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his b***s off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis.

"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two
would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia ( Poole 's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck.

Priorities, after all!!

Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required byDarwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.

Sex Factoid

Weird Sex Fact of the week: 3 things to know about her naughty bits

1. The clitoris is actually comprised of multiple parts: the mons, the hood, the shaft and the suspensory ligament. Only the mons and the hood are visible.*

2. Most women average between 6 and 10 contractions per orgasm.**

3. The record for most orgasms in one hour is 134. That works out to about 2 orgasms every minute or about 1 orgasm every 37 seconds.** (Disclaimer: most of us probably shouldn't try breaking this record.)

A Woman Scorned

Weird News - (LSU) -- Tigerweekly.com

Girlfriend suggests marriage, fireworks explode!

A Moscow woman, only identified as Kira V., took her boyfriend's rejection a little too hard. Kira, who had been living with her boyfriend, Alik D. for two years, decided to suggest the idea of marriage to her partner. Alik refused Kira's proposal and stated that he would rather go back to his first wife.

"When Alik started moving out Kira suggested that they had a farewell dinner," MosNews.com reported. "After a hearty meal and some heavy drinking, Alik fell asleep. The girlfriend tied several firecrackers to Alik's penis and exploded them."

Alik is currently in critical condition. Kira faces a minimum 12-year sentence if Alik survives.

Biggest One

Biggest Penis in the World (every males dream)

We may not be so impressive as other species with our physical abilities: powerful muscles or weaponry like fangs, claws, horns and so on. But we have evolved to excel in one issue: sex. Not regarding sexual activity - as it has been shown that the bonobo (which is also wrongly named "dwarf chimpanzee") has more sex and much varied than the human being - but penis size.

Man is the ape, the monkey and the primate with the biggest penis! Gorilla males, which dwarf humans in body size, have minute penises compared to ours, no thicker and longer than a pencil. Other apes do not reach even this size. In some African countries, 'hanging like a gorilla' is considered an insult.

So, in the end, who is the owner of the largest penis in the world? A 2006 UK Channel 4 documentary called 'The World's Biggest Penis' solved the mystery: it appears to be the New Yorker Jonah Cardeli Falcon (born July 29, 1970). His willy is 9.5 in (24.13 cm) flaccid, 13.5 in (34.29 cm) erect! The average human penis is 6 in (15 cm) long...

Jonah is not a nameless person: he is an American actor and talk-show host, which appeared in some sitcoms, British television shows and Hollywood movies. He was born in Brooklyn and identifies himself as bisexual.

But the huge penis is not a blessing. It rather condemns him to loneliness: there's no match babe. He lives with his mom and his whale penis, without a girlfriend for 12 years.

"When I meet people they find it hard to look me in the eye, they just see what's in my trousers. It's become a real problem. When I was younger I went out in tight pants and would sleep with a different person every night, but I became burned out and disillusioned. My last relationship ended in 1996. Now I just want to find a steady girlfriend who doesn't think I'm a freak show", Jonah told "The Sun" two years ago.


That's about us humanoids, but which is the largest penis in nature?

Well, despite the huge size of penises in elephants and odd hoofed mammals (like rhinos and horses), the biggest penis indeed belongs to the biggest animal: the blue whale. The largest measured penis reached 2,4 m (8 feet).

Accurate measurements are difficult to be made because the whale's erect length can only be observed during mating.

Moreover, whales (and dolphins) have some control over their penises: they can move it and - to a certain degree - bend its tip to facilitate mating! In a way, we were expecting this result, but this is like a human having a 10 cm penis, because the blue whale can reach 33 m (100 feet) body length.

In relative terms, the title belongs to ... a duck!

The Argentine Blue-bill or Argentine Lake Duck (Oxyura vittata) is a small South American stiff duck. What's paradoxical in this equation is that most birds do not even have a penis, except ostriches (and related groups, like kiwi and tinamous), ducks, geese and swans.

Bird penis in flaccid state curled up inside the cloaca. Well, a specimen of Argentine blue-bill duck had a remarkable 42.5 cm (17 inches) long penis (the average length of this species is 20 cm (8 inches)!

The flaccid penis is coiled but fully erect is twice the size of the bird: it is like us having a 3.5 m (12 feet) penis...

Biologists believe that the remarkable size of this penis may have evolved in response to competitive pressure in these highly promiscuous species, removing sperm from previous matings in the manner of a bottle brush.

This is the longest relative penis in vertebrates, animals related with us.

Biggest Penis in the World Facts

But there is a type of crustacean (crab related animals) - called barnacles - that provides us another surprise. Barnacles look more like small shells and are indeed sedentary animals, living fixed on rocks or man made ) structures (or sometimes even on whales!) with a muscular stalk or not. Gooseneck barnacle is one of the most expensive seafoods! Like many sedentary animals, barnacles are hermaphroditic and alternate male and female roles over time.

Neighboring barnacles interfecundate between them, and to be able to do this, they employ the longest penis in the animal kingdom, in proportion to their body length: it is 40 times bigger than the animal's body.

As the barnacles measure just a few cm, their penises won't be so obvious for humans...

There is another mystery unsolved: male cephalopods (squids, cattlefish, octopuses) have one of their arms, named hectocotylus, turned into a penis. As some wrecked giant squids had arms longer than 8 m (25 feet), how big would their hectocotylus be?


Smallest Penis in the World Stats

Vast numbers of men - in one estimate the greater majority - think that they have a penis much below the average in size. Perhaps they should console themselves with the thought that many men have extremely diminutive organs. Pomeroy states that the smallest penis encountered in the Kinsey surveys was 1 in. long In the Forum study the smallest erect penis was found to be 4.75 in. in length, quite large compared with many of the specimens that do exist. There are instances reported in the medical literature of penises that do not exceed 1 cm. in full erection: such organs are sometimes labelled with the appropriate term "micropenis". And even 1 cm. is not the smallest-sized penis known to medical researchers. There is a condition known as congenital hypoplasia, where the body of the penis is totally absent and the glans is attached to the pubic region. In one such reported case, with an effective penis of much less than 1 cm. in length, the testes and secondary sexual characteristics were found to be quite normal.

Average penis length.

A non-erect penis usually measures between 8.5cm and 10.5cm (3-4 inches) from tip to base.

The average figure is about 9.5cm (3.75 inches), but this kind of precise measurement is rather valueless. Many factors can cause a temporary shrinkage of two inches or more, for instance cold weather or going swimming, so you needn't worry if you happen to fall short of the average figure.

Of course, it's true that some men have big penises and some have smaller ones, just as some men have small feet and some have big feet, but the measurement is not - repeat not - an index of virility.

Most people think that a tall man will usually have a large penis, but this is not entirely true. The distinguished American researchers Masters and Johnson measured the penile lengths of more than 300 men.

The largest organ was 14 cm (5.5 inches) in the flaccid state. It belonged to a slim man who was 5' 7" tall (170 cm).
The smallest penis measured 6cm (2.25 inches). It belonged to a fairly heavily built man of 5' 11" (180cm).

It's also worth pointing out that there is no correlation between penile size and race.

Average size of erections.

We've talked about the length of the penis in its ordinary non-erect state, but how long should it be when it's erect?

Interestingly, most penises are very much the same size when erect. The man whose non-erect penis is smallish will usually achieve about a 100 per cent increase in length during sexual excitement.

The man whose non-erect penis is on the largish size will probably manage about a 75 per cent increase. This means the great majority of penises measure between 15cm and 18cm (6-7 inches) when erect, with the average figure being about 16.5cm (6.5 inches).

So you can see that even if a man has got a 'small' penis, he's got a built-in compensating factor that will bring him up to about the same size as the guy who appears to be 'better equipped' in the shower room.

Now That's Drunk!

The News-Courier in Athens, Alabama - May 3,2009

• Police: driver caused $26K damages, arrested

FREMONT, Neb. (AP) — Police say a woman arrested in Nebraska on suspicion of drunken driving hit fences, garages and a house as she left a $26,000 trail of destruction.

Sgt. Ed Watts says the woman’s car struck a fence while she was trying to turn into an alley Thursday night. He says the car next hit a utility pole and then a garage while trying to turn into it. Wyatt says the car then crossed a yard, rammed a fence and hit a house and garage.

Police say they arrested 58-year-old Fremont resident Janis Brown, who posted a $200 bond and was released from jail. Authorities say the woman’s car also had about $5,000 in damages.

Sex on Queen's lawn at Windsor Castle

A couple were arrested after being caught having sexual intercourse on the Queen's lawn outside Windsor Castle.


By Ben Leach
Last Updated: 4:56PM BST 30 Apr 2009
Windsor Castle: Sex on Queen's lawn at Windsor Castle
A couple have been arrested for having sexual intercourse ouside Windsor Castle

The pair, in their early thirties, stripped on a private grass bank at the castle, where Her Majesty was in residence.

They were watched by crowds of tourists beneath the castle's Garter Tower, in full view of hotels, pubs and shops over the road.

Several Japanese tourists filmed the couple for up to twenty minutes before they were arrested by armed Royal Protection Squad officers.

The couple, who were described by police as "respectable people with respectable jobs", were said to be "mortified" by their actions.

A police source said they were put in cells overnight to sober up before being cautioned for outraging public decency.

Witness Mark Robinson, 44, told The Sun: "One window from the guardroom opened up and when a soldier saw what was going on he told his mates – and lots of windows opened.

"The couple did not care who was looking and just kept going as if they were in their own bedroom.

"They even ignored the Please Keep Off The Grass signs.

"A few soldiers were geeing them on from above and plenty of young people did the same from the roadside. There were camera flashes going off and people videoing."

The couple reportedly stopped after being confronted by two protection squad officers arrived in an unmarked Range Rover, accompanied by a police car.

A Windsor Castle source said: "The Queen was in residence at the time, but her private apartments are at the other end so she would have been blissfully unaware of it."

Upset over gas

Covering The Louisiana State University Community (LSU) -- Tigerweekly.com

Man releases gas, gets stabbed.

Jose Braule Ramirez, a 33-year-old man from the Houston area, seemingly overreacted to an incident that occurred last Tuesday, April 7. Ramirez was in a Waco, Tex. motel eating with a friend when, during the meal, the friend passed gas. The flatulence offended Ramirez to the point that he threw a knife at his friend, cutting him across his leg, and then went over and stabbed him in the chest.

Ramirez's friend sustained minor injuries and was rushed to a nearby hospital. Ramirez is charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and his bail is set at $15,000.

Alcohol was involved

A 19-year-old University of Colorado student required emergency assistance in March after spending all evening badgering fellow partygoers to hit him in the face. Finally, at 2 a.m., someone complied, resulting in a broken nose and massive bleeding.
[Colorado Daily (Boulder), 3-18-09]



A National City Bank in downtown Pittsburgh was broken into on March 7, inadvertently, when an intoxicated man accidentally tripped and crashed through the front window (narrowly avoiding decapitation).
[WPXI-TV (Pittsburgh), 3-7-09]


According to sheriff's reports, a man reported to Huntsville (Ala.) Hospital on Feb. 18 after having passed out drunk with an ex-girlfriend and waking up with a sewing needle in his urethra.
[The News Courier (Athens, Ala.), 2-21-09]

Fishy Phone

It’s a Weird World

FISHY MOBILE: A businessman who lost his mobile phone on a beach was amazed when it turned up — in the belly of a giant cod.

Andrew Cheatle thought it had been swept out to sea after it slipped from his pocket.

But a week later his girlfriend’s mobile rang and it was fisherman Glen Kerley saying he’d found the phone in a 25lb fish, reports The Sun.

Andrew got the handset back, dried it out — and amazingly it still works.

EyeLid Tow

EYELID TOW: A Chinese man pulled a car by a rope attached only to his eyelids for more than five metres.
Yang Guanghe (35) of Guizhou was cheered and applauded at the Cherry Blossom Festival in Guangzhou as he towed the VW car.

Yang, who weighs only seven stone, said he had been practicing the stunt for more than 10 years.
“At the beginning it was a bit painful, but gradually I got used to it,” he told the Guangzhou Daily newspaper.

“I just want to know what the limit is of the weakest link in the human body.”

Pancake Eater Dies

Pancake contest winner dies onstage - UPI.com

CHERNYAKHOVSK, Russia, March 6 (UPI) -- A 48-year-old man who won a pancake-eating contest in the Russian town of Chernyakhovsk died while accepting his prize onstage, witnesses say.

Pravda reported Wednesday that Boris Isayev collapsed while walking on stage during last weekend's eating contest and began suffocating.

Witnesses said Isayev died on the stage despite attempts to save his live by paramedics.

Authorities did not offer a possible cause of death in the competitive eating tragedy, saying such findings would come in a post mortem examination.

The pancake eating contest had been part of Chernyahkovsk's recognition of the Russian holiday of Maslenitsa, also known as Butter Week.

Pravda said Maslenitsa is recognized by Catholics as the last week before the start of Lent, while in Slavic mythology it is seen as a sun festival honoring the coming end of winter.

Empty Shell

 Just an empty shell

February 23, 2009

Walter Tessier was charged with one of the pettiest of petit larceny counts in January as sheriff's deputies in Amsterdam, N.Y., said he tried to defraud a Price Chopper store. Tessier had purchased a $10.99 lobster but returned it, claiming that it had turned "bad," and the store allowed him some crab meat in exchange, but employees discovered that the "lobster" was only its empty, carefully reconstructed shell that made it appear whole. Tessier then ran from the store but was arrested later at his home, where he had just finished the crab meat.

[Albany Times Union, 1-20-09

Too Dumb To A Be Criminal

Least Competent Criminals

A masked man escaped in December after trying unsuccessfully to rob the Washman carwash in Portland, Ore. In the middle of the job, the man’s gun literally broke apart and fell to the ground. As he continued to demand money, it became clear why robbing a carwash is tricky. The employee grabbed the nearest tool, which was the wand of a pressure washer (2,000 pounds per square inch) and hosed the robber, sending him fleeing.

Sex Change

RIA Novosti - World - Italian gay man wants sex change, become nun

ROME, February 25 (RIA Novosti) - A 45-year-old Italian gay man is planning to undergo a sex change operation and become a nun, although so far the church has failed to back his plan, the ANSA news agency said on Wednesday.

The man, whose name has not been revealed, lives in a small town near Rome but intends to leave his job in May and travel to a country in Northern Europe to undergo the operation.

"I talked about my wish with a priest but I was misunderstood. A conversation with a bishop was even worse," the man told the Italian news agency.

Meanwhile, a spokesman for CasaPound, a social justice organization, Massimo Carletti said, "All men and women should be equal and have equal opportunities."

"He is determined to [achieve his dream] and we will help him," Carletti said.

10 Weird Human Sex Facts

Sure, animal sex is weird, but humans are part of that strange kingdom. Here are 10 Weird Sex Facts that prove we’re civilized here at the top of the food chain and yet still pretty freakin’ gross…


1. During sweaty sex, men ooze testosterone. And it’s actually a biological turn on for women!

2. There’s almost 500 different types of bacteria in your mouth. Almost 50% of them live on your tongue. So perhaps the French Kiss should be renamed the Twice As Dirty Kiss.

3. One out of seventeen, or 400,000,000 people have sex a day. 4,000 people are doing it right now! So, the world is a rockin’, don’t go a knockin’.

4. Turn up the heat, in every way. The hotter the room, the fiercer the orgasm. Vasocongestion, or the heat flush on your skin, is akin to blushing from sex.

5. Your vagina is also a great swim coach. The pelvic spasms caused by an orgasm actually move sperm up stream towards fertilizing your eggs.

6. Pops likes to get it on. Seventy-three-percent of 70-year-old men are still potent. Whoa, down boy!

7. The endorphins released during sex actually relieve a headache. So that old excuse isn’t just tired, it’s just plain wrong!

8. Back in 1609, Dr. Wecker found a dead man with two peckers! Since, 80 cases of double headers have been reported. But no word on whether or not those guys ever got them both on in a threesome.

9. You can go from zero to 60 fast! The fastest speed a sexy sensation can travel from your va-jay-jay to your brain has been clocked at the Ferrari-fast speed of 156 mph.

10. Erotic asphyxiation didn’t just kill INXS lead singer Michael Hutchence. Cutting off oxygen to your brain to feel a strong new sensation during sex causes around 500 American deaths every year.

Benefits of Urine

By Chuck Shepherd
© United Press Syndicate

Though India is recognized as a world leader in promoting the health benefits of urine, its dominance will be assured by the end of the year when a cow-urine-based soft drink comes to market. Om Prakash, chief of the Cow Protection Department of the RSS organization (India’s largest Hindu nationalist group), trying to reassure a Times of London reporter in February, promised, “It won’t smell like urine and will be tasty, too,” noting that medicinal herbs would be added and toxins removed. In addition to improved health, he said, India needs a domestic (and especially Hindu) beverage to compete with the foreign influence of Coca-Cola and Pepsi.

The Continuing Crisis

The Continuing Crisis
Intimate health care: (1) A sex-education advocacy organization in Sweden complained in November about the government’s program that, finally after years of resistance, provides prosthetic penises to newly transgendered males. The policy was nonetheless termed unfair because the devices are cosmetic only and do not “work.” (Regulations prohibit taxpayer money for “sexual aids.”) (2) In October, five employees of the health-care provider New Zealand Care resigned when the company ordered them to provide (as routine service to developmentally disabled patients who request it) assistance in masturbating.

Explosion During Cremation

Body Explodes on Cremation


Mr. Wang’s body explodes in the cremation chamber! A Chinese man, killed by a weather rocket, was thought to have died from getting struck by lightning until his body exploded at his own funeral.Wang Diange was attending a wake in his home when an explosion took off half of his roof and left him dead in the wreckage. Because it had been a stormy day, family members and the police assumed that lightning was what killed Wang and left half of his home in ruins.

However, as Wang was being placed into the cremation chamber at his own funeral, his body exploded, causing the chamber’s oven doors to fly off their hinges. Only then, spectators discovered a small piece of twisted metal, which led them to what really killed Mr. Wang:

A small weather rocket filled with silver iodide—shot into the sky in order to break up hail into rain—failed to explode in the atmosphere, and instead had fallen through Wang’s roof and acted like a bullet, instantly killing Wang as it was lodged into his body.

Three years later, the Weather Bureau has only given the Wang family 80,000 yuan (approx. $12,000USD) as a compensation for their loss.