Empty Shell

 Just an empty shell

February 23, 2009

Walter Tessier was charged with one of the pettiest of petit larceny counts in January as sheriff's deputies in Amsterdam, N.Y., said he tried to defraud a Price Chopper store. Tessier had purchased a $10.99 lobster but returned it, claiming that it had turned "bad," and the store allowed him some crab meat in exchange, but employees discovered that the "lobster" was only its empty, carefully reconstructed shell that made it appear whole. Tessier then ran from the store but was arrested later at his home, where he had just finished the crab meat.

[Albany Times Union, 1-20-09

Too Dumb To A Be Criminal

Least Competent Criminals

A masked man escaped in December after trying unsuccessfully to rob the Washman carwash in Portland, Ore. In the middle of the job, the man’s gun literally broke apart and fell to the ground. As he continued to demand money, it became clear why robbing a carwash is tricky. The employee grabbed the nearest tool, which was the wand of a pressure washer (2,000 pounds per square inch) and hosed the robber, sending him fleeing.

Sex Change

RIA Novosti - World - Italian gay man wants sex change, become nun

ROME, February 25 (RIA Novosti) - A 45-year-old Italian gay man is planning to undergo a sex change operation and become a nun, although so far the church has failed to back his plan, the ANSA news agency said on Wednesday.

The man, whose name has not been revealed, lives in a small town near Rome but intends to leave his job in May and travel to a country in Northern Europe to undergo the operation.

"I talked about my wish with a priest but I was misunderstood. A conversation with a bishop was even worse," the man told the Italian news agency.

Meanwhile, a spokesman for CasaPound, a social justice organization, Massimo Carletti said, "All men and women should be equal and have equal opportunities."

"He is determined to [achieve his dream] and we will help him," Carletti said.

10 Weird Human Sex Facts

Sure, animal sex is weird, but humans are part of that strange kingdom. Here are 10 Weird Sex Facts that prove we’re civilized here at the top of the food chain and yet still pretty freakin’ gross…


1. During sweaty sex, men ooze testosterone. And it’s actually a biological turn on for women!

2. There’s almost 500 different types of bacteria in your mouth. Almost 50% of them live on your tongue. So perhaps the French Kiss should be renamed the Twice As Dirty Kiss.

3. One out of seventeen, or 400,000,000 people have sex a day. 4,000 people are doing it right now! So, the world is a rockin’, don’t go a knockin’.

4. Turn up the heat, in every way. The hotter the room, the fiercer the orgasm. Vasocongestion, or the heat flush on your skin, is akin to blushing from sex.

5. Your vagina is also a great swim coach. The pelvic spasms caused by an orgasm actually move sperm up stream towards fertilizing your eggs.

6. Pops likes to get it on. Seventy-three-percent of 70-year-old men are still potent. Whoa, down boy!

7. The endorphins released during sex actually relieve a headache. So that old excuse isn’t just tired, it’s just plain wrong!

8. Back in 1609, Dr. Wecker found a dead man with two peckers! Since, 80 cases of double headers have been reported. But no word on whether or not those guys ever got them both on in a threesome.

9. You can go from zero to 60 fast! The fastest speed a sexy sensation can travel from your va-jay-jay to your brain has been clocked at the Ferrari-fast speed of 156 mph.

10. Erotic asphyxiation didn’t just kill INXS lead singer Michael Hutchence. Cutting off oxygen to your brain to feel a strong new sensation during sex causes around 500 American deaths every year.

Benefits of Urine

By Chuck Shepherd
© United Press Syndicate

Though India is recognized as a world leader in promoting the health benefits of urine, its dominance will be assured by the end of the year when a cow-urine-based soft drink comes to market. Om Prakash, chief of the Cow Protection Department of the RSS organization (India’s largest Hindu nationalist group), trying to reassure a Times of London reporter in February, promised, “It won’t smell like urine and will be tasty, too,” noting that medicinal herbs would be added and toxins removed. In addition to improved health, he said, India needs a domestic (and especially Hindu) beverage to compete with the foreign influence of Coca-Cola and Pepsi.

The Continuing Crisis

The Continuing Crisis
Intimate health care: (1) A sex-education advocacy organization in Sweden complained in November about the government’s program that, finally after years of resistance, provides prosthetic penises to newly transgendered males. The policy was nonetheless termed unfair because the devices are cosmetic only and do not “work.” (Regulations prohibit taxpayer money for “sexual aids.”) (2) In October, five employees of the health-care provider New Zealand Care resigned when the company ordered them to provide (as routine service to developmentally disabled patients who request it) assistance in masturbating.