And You Thought You Were Having An Ugly Day!!

Red Neck Pickup Lines

RedNeck Pickup Lines | Got Funny

Red Neck Pickup Lines

1. Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

2. Are your parents retarded, ’cause you’re sure special.

3. My Love for you is like diarrhea … I can’t hold it in.

4. Do you have a library card, ’cause I’d like to sign you out.

5. Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

6. If you and I were Squirrels, I’d store my nuts in your hole.

7. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a
  light switch away.

8. “Fat Penguin!” I know you’re going, ‘huh?’ “I just wanted to say
   something that would break the ice.”

9. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

10. I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went
   into this cheap motel room.

11. Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12. If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

and…. the best for last!

13. Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts
   tighten up.

Aroused Giant's Manhood Needs Pruning

Aroused Giant's Manhood Needs Pruning

Britain's Cerne Abbas Giant -- the famous etching in the Dorset hillside of a naked, club-wielding giant -- has long been one of the country's most remarkable tourist attractions, and now, the most remarkable part of him needs a little trim.

Indeed, between Sept. 13-20, the Cerne Abbas Giant is going to be re-chalked, as overgrown moss has obscured his prominent penis. Volunteers are welcome to help.

"How many ancient monuments around Britain do people get the chance to help maintain?" Rob Rhodes of Britain's National Trust tells Britain's Metro .

"The giant is on a par with St Paul's Cathedral and Stonehenge."

Tourists have been flocking to the immense Pagan figure -- sometimes called "Rude Man"-- since at least 1694. It's origins are unclear, but it's believed to be an ancient symbol of spirituality and fertility.

The giant has been spoofed by condom makers, clothing manufacturers, and even The Simpsons . During World War II, the giant was disguised to prevent German fighter pilots from using it as a landmark.

London To Install Pop-Up Toilets

Amusingfacts.com

London To Install Pop-Up Toilets

In a bid to dissuade lat-night males from urinating on walls and
doorways, the coty of London plans to install pop-up toilets
that will rise from the ground. The city plans to have these
self-cleaning telescopic urinals, in place by autumn. They will
emerge from under the ground and be retracted in the day via
remote control.

Woman’s Walk Gives Clue To Orgasm Style

Sex

Woman’s Walk Gives Clue To Orgasm Style

That pretty woman walkin’ down the street may be revealing more than you think. What scientists had previously believed to be a connection between muscle blocks, specifically in the pelvic region, and problems reaching the big O appear to be confirmed by a new study conducted by Scottish and Belgian researchers. Greater stride lengths combined with vertebral rotations indicated women who had a greater tendency to orgasm. Sexologists also note that this more confident walk could also be the result of a more satisfying sex life and better relationships, the link between orgasms and mental health already having been established. Now where’s that study on foot size?

Why Can't I Get Employed?

The lack of employment for these glowing examples of the jobless in America should not come as too much of a shock.

Middle age is going to be a bitch for these dudes.

Tough to be close to.	Makes a cold hell!

Truemors :: The Wiener-Wielding Burglar of Fresno

The Wiener-Wielding Burglar of Fresno

Two farmworkers in Fresno got a rude awakening last Saturday when they awoke to a burglar in their home, but most disturbing was the manner in which the perp made himself known. Antonio Vasquez rubbed one man down with spices and beat the other in the face with an 8-inch sausage

before fleeing the scene. Police later found the suspect in a field wearing only a t-shirt and boxers. Unfortunately, the weapon used in the assault was eaten by the dog.

Tattoo ad on forehead for $10,000

A mother had her forehead tattooed with the web address of a gambling site after auctioning off advertising space on her head to pay for her son's school fees.


Karolyne Smith with her Goldenpalace.com logo.

Karolyne Smith has to live with a permanent billboard on her forehead after she accepted Goldenpalace.com's offer of $10,000 for the 'advertising space'. She needed the money to send her son Brady to a private school.

Karolyne said: "I really want to do this. To everyone else, it seems like a stupid thing to do. To me, $10,000 is like a million dollars."

"I only live once and I'm doing it for my son. It's a small sacrifice to build a better future for my son."

Karolyne did not take the decision lightly. She discussed it for more than three weeks with her boyfriend Jeremy Williams.

Smith's eBay auction attracted more than 27,000 hits and 1,000 watchers. Bidding reached $999.99 before Goldenpalace.com, an Internet gambling company met Smith's $10,000 asking price. Goldenpalace.com also gave her another $5,000 for her trouble.

Wheelchair robber rolls in and rips off condoms

Wheelchair robber rolls in and rips off condoms


Sep 5, 8:01 PM (ET)

DALLAS (AP) - A wheelchair getaway at a 7-Eleven has police looking for an unusual robbery suspect. Authorities said Friday that a man in a wheelchair entered a Dallas convenience store this week, rolled straight toward the cash register and began hitting it with a baseball bat.

But he didn't grab any cash. The suspect instead stole 10 boxes of condoms and an energy drink before making his getaway Wednesday afternoon, Dallas police Cpl. Kevin Janse said.

Janse said the culprit may have been homeless and probably intoxicated at the time.

---

Information from: The Dallas Morning News, http://www.dallasnews.com

You Knew It Had To Happen

Trunk Junk Boost: Ass Bra Debuts

If a flat bum has left you desiring a booty boost, then consider squeezing all your assets into the latest torture device targeted at women willing to sacrifice comfort for butt perkiness.
The Ass Bra resembles something you would see in the back room of that seedy store that of course you have never dared enter. Yep, like S&M, only less leather, more lace, spandex and ployester.

Here's a Real Brainiac

2008 Darwin Award: Boner!